Not Like My Mother:Becoming a sane parent after growing up in a CRAZY family by Irene Tomkinson, MSW by MSW Irene Tomkinson

Author:MSW Irene Tomkinson [Irene Tomkinson, MSW]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781463463229
Publisher: AuthorHouse
Published: 2008-02-14T05:00:00+00:00

2) Has anyone you loved ever asked you to sit with them, be with them, or spend some quality time with them, and you could never quite make it happen?

3) Do you carry around a sense of impending doom, like the other shoe is going to drop at any moment?

4) Do you ever have the feeling in the midst of all your activity or amid all your possessions of “is this all there is?”

5) Do you walk around with a sense of incompleteness?

If you can identify with any of the above list, you might want to ask yourself what you are running from. What is nipping at your heels? And then you might want to sit still with it for five minutes. Stop—don’t give me, “I have no time.” Take it! Take the time. Time is another word for life. It is your life, your time—take it. What are you running from?

Let yourself write about it. Just use a couple of pieces of unlined paper and write yourself a letter. Talk to yourself about your activities, your pace. Ask yourself about your satisfaction level with life. I am not asking why you are running. I am asking you to look at what you are running from. Ask the knot in your stomach, what does it want you to know? This is journaling—not real complicated. I began writing to myself about twenty years ago. It has been the single most effective tool I have used to find my way back to me.

Once you begin to stop, then you need to listen. You know what the simplest form of meditation is? It is breathing. Simply stop and breathe. Focus on your breath for just one moment. You need to listen before some disease or illness forces you to stop. Nature will get your attention one way or the other. When all else fails, our bodies will do what they have to do to get our attention. Life wants us to know our own stories and how those stories landed on us. What meaning did we give our stories? Our stories are our experiences. Without knowing what meaning we have given our experiences, we are not able to know why we are here on the planet.

Anger in the form of denial is when we get mad instead of getting real. We rage at God, at life, at the government, at our neighbors, at other drivers, at our spouses or ex-spouses, at our children, and at ourselves (depression). Our hostility may not be loud or look like rage. We may practice silent hostility i.e. silent violence; we may be full of judgment and criticism, or imagining revenge and punishments. We are quick to judge everything around us. Nothing meets our expectations. We are irritable and bitter. People who love us look at us with frustration. They urge us to lighten up.

We use our energy to stay in our heads. Resentment literally means to re-feel. We hang out in our heads, rehashing old hurts and abuses.

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